You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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