i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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