the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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