Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
