We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
