i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
