Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
you made out with another girl for some wings
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