What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
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