I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
