Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
