What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
its liver damage thursday
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
