In America we eat man semen.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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