if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I should be sponsored by Trojan
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
50% drunk capacity currently
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
