Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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