so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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