I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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