big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
