I love black thongs
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
