Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
