I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
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I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
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I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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