I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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