He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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