Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
