I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
