my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I forget how to act sober
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
