why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
