8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
