I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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