I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
