Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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