I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
