Plan B is the new Plan A
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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