two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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