I just threw up on my dentist
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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