I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
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