he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
