yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I hate all girls vehemently.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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