Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
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i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
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Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
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