i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
