Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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