You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
