Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
