My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
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