I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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