I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
