The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
