My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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