just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
