Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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