just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
