it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
