You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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