just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Randomize
