He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
