I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
