Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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