there's paper in my vomit.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Randomize
