You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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