Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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